I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
