You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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