we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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