Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
