lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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