i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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