therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
