I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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