Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
