We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize