OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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