To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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