mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
