i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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