the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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