i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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