My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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