Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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