My room smells like vodka and shame
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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