Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
