that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
