just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
