Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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