this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
