I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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