i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
