Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
