It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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