Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
