It's Friday. Sex?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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