I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
