there's paper in my vomit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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