Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
