Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
