I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
