I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
