Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
