OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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