I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize