I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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