And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
