I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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