So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
