so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
