I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
