well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
