just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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