You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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