Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
