Will you blow on my dice?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
