I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
