My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He did a backflip because drugs
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