ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
