dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize