Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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