thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
