I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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