You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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