im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
