so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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