Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They have beer where we have blood.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
