Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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