I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i barfeds in our rink
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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