if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
