i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
