I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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