shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
