did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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